ANCIENT HARVEST SPAGHETTI // REVIEW //
sucks ☐ / passable ☐ / great ☐ / perfect ✓
I like pasta a lot. I even like penne, although it’s literally the only pasta you can ever get anywhere gluten free.
Me: goes to italian restaurant
menu: here’s some cool regular pasta. And some gluten free penne! (●︿●)
ok
ANYWAY there’s no need for such sadness and sameness in life, when there’s plenty of other gluten free pastas that don’t suck!! this is one of them.
Ancient Harvest Spaghetti is made from all the stuff: corn, brown rice, & quinoa. but if you hate the taste of quinoa like me, DON’T WORRY! it doesn’t taste at all like quinoa. it tastes like delicious spaghetti. it’s also organic. super cool, kind of good for you even. yeah other gluten free pastas taste good but usually those are the ones made completely out of corn and rice.1 so this one has grains it it! (YAY!)
cons: there are no cons. it’s spaghetti. ok no i lied there is a con but not in the eating part, it’s in the making part. and that is: watch out… for the starch. IT WILL ATTACK YOU LIKE A SLIME MONSTER
► two great ways of making this thing. #1 is the Useful Way2
and that’s to boil a pot of water with some salt in it, throw in the spaghetti, cook for 11-12 minutes [the box will say less, but it is lying] drain it all into a colander, and then rinse A LOT in some hot water to get rid of the starch.3
#2 is the Disaster Way4
actually there are many disaster ways. for instance today when i was chatting i just said to myself i’ll make some pasta, easy right? i take a big pot. i put water in it and salt. i turn on the stove. i throw in the spaghetti and start timing it—WAIT A MINUTE
why isn’t it done?
oh yeah that’s ‘cause I didn’t wait for the water to boil first.5
easily fixed though, just wait till it boils and keep cooking it.
WELL. there is an even more interesting disaster way, however. I’m at someone else’s house. this person has lots of Cool Techniques for Cooking.
Cool! I say.
So apparently there are some people who cook pasta in a frying pan. You lay the pasta flat and cover it with only as much water as fits in a frying pan, and this works well. at least it must… if you aren’t cooking gluten free pasta.
we forgot about THE STARCH.
so about halfway through this cooking thing it looks like someone created glue with bits of pasta in it. the glue is all over. there is no water left. our pasta6 look dicey. we take the whole conglomeration and throw it into the colander before it’s even done cooking just to get rid of some of the glue. pasta breaks into pieces. it’s like a kid’s craft project—
bits everywhere, pure despair, many pan-scrapings
TO CONCLUDE:
(back into the frying pan with new fresh water, keep cooking it, finally… the pasta is complete.7 & it tasted delicious.)
…
► anyway i had lunch.
WHERE TO BUY: in regular supermarkets. you can check out the store locators on their website to see a place near you.
***general disclaimer. check certification & ingredients, use your judgment. not everything I review is certified
DO NOT try those weird lentily ones. ick
you know, like ordinary people
still a lot of starch, but there’s less if you cook it properly than if you don’t…
somehow so much more memorable
not the biggest disaster known to man, but certainly annoying
not to mention our very existence
the moral of this story, if there is one, is actually very positive: it is very hard to actually screw up pasta so it turns out badly in the end. just keep tasting it as it’s getting towards done and stop cooking it before it’s overcooked, and any disaster can be overcome
ABSOLUTELY hysterical.
(And remember to throw that starch outside and not down the drain ;-)